Jun 29 2013

when i woke up that day i found a note from my wife on the kitchen counter and it said Dear John Gone To Shop For Milk And Bread Be Back Soon Love Jane.

i never knew what to do without Jane so i went into the backyard and cracked a beer. i drank the other beers in the fridge but they were warm because the electricity was gone. i hate warm beer but beer is booze and i thought the power would come on soon so i didnt worry about it again. but the water didnt work either. and then i tried to call Jane but there was no reception on the phone.

the next day Jane still hadnt come back so i went for a walk. because i decided to get a coffee at the shop or some part of me thought i would run into Jane there. i did a shit and the toilet still flushed but just that one time. and then i thought i would take a shower but the water was still off and still no electricity either so i just pulled jeans on and walked out. but there was no one in the street and no cars or anything. i remembered yesterday when i was drinking in the yard there was no kids making noise in the backyards next door either. it seemed like there was no one around.

the air was cold and my breathing made clouds in front of my face but it was a good walk except that there was no one around. the shop doors was open but nobody was in there but only the wind and a couple of pigeons looking like they had been in there all night and all day with stuff blown all around them. i wouldve fixed myself a coffee but no power here either. by that time the battery of my phone was run out because i thought the power would come back and i hadnt thought i should turn it off. so that was gone. the phone was a useless piece of rubbish just like it always was i thought.

i wondered if i was like one of those stories i heard of before. its like where a lady cant stand the noise so she will just wish and wish for quiet and then she goes deaf for 3 days straight except i hadnt wished for it. or maybe sometimes someone had a strange thing where they crossed over into an alternative reality. i wondered if everyone was still around me but i just couldnt see them anymore, and i was stuck in some other place, next to it but apart from it, and fucking up all their stuff.

because i found i can take whatever i want from other peoples places because no ones around anymore. a lot of the stuff that was worth money before became useless then because there was no electricty anymore. and even much later after i fixed up a generator there was no broadcast. or there was just no point to it all. what do you want to use a food processor for when theres no one to have dinner with? might as well just eat the thing raw. but i found out fast i could drive around as much as i liked. at first i nicked other peoples cars because they had batteries and petrol and no one wanted them. but in the end i rathered my own car because i didnt have to smash the windows to get it started and drive around with smashed windows and i could just siphon the petrol out of other tanks. and i built that car myself before all of this happened so it was already the way i liked it.

i picked up a lot of other things in early days. i had to learn that i had to dig a toilet in the yard because there was no point doing a shit in toilets in the house or even walking to all the other houses around. i knocked over the fence of the next yard over and i dug a toilet in their house too. you get bored when theres no one to talk to and if you dig a big enough hole you can shit in it for weeks. after a while i pulled down all the fences and i planted seeds for things i could eat. it wasnt hard to get the seeds from places that had all closed, in grocers and garden centers. there was lots of tinned food to get but if you try eating tins for a long time you get fed up and i wanted real food so i grew it. i think the toilets i dug helped things grow. and soon i kept chooks too from some abandoned places i found and i rung their necks when i could afford it and get something good to eat. then i had some goats too that i got that was feral and i got milk and cheese from them too. theres nothing wrong with things from goats and you can burn any fuel and cook in your own yard. in case you want to know.

well i got bored and i tried reading books. i got good at reading and i read a lot of books because there was food to grow but nothing else to do and lots of candles to do it with at first then real light later. you dont need a light to pull your cock so might as well read. anyway i always thought books are a lot of shit but i read all the books i ever heard of like Tolstoy and Ulysses. i read all those books that a lot of people never read when there was still people and i didnt know all of what i read but i like to think that the more i read the more i got of it. Robinson Crusoe was the best i read at that time and ive read it another few times. but after a while i stopped reading because it didnt make any sense. it was like one of those things i heard of where they try and send messages to aliens. they put a big dish in the desert and they try and send a message to outer space through it hoping an alien will hear it and send an i love you. but aliens never heard it because there arent any aliens. no point giving a fuck whats in those books anymore because the things they talk about dont matter anymore. theres no human beings to think about it anymore except me.

Jane has her own room that she never came back to with her things in it. it just has her things in it and i kept it the way she left it. its some things she got from her mum and dad and some other things she got when we went to asia. theres even a few things i got her myself before we got married. Jane did what she liked with her room and i never had anything to do with it because it was hers. she put things she liked in there like lace and white things and painted it white. i kept it clean in there. i go in there and sit in there on an arm chair she got. although i kept the dust out of there it has still just got dirty over the years. but i still sit in there and think of Jane.

i try and write this again every day and see if i can make it better written. i think its just for something to do. i heard of people blowing their head off over less things than all of what happened to me, but things arent that bad for me now. i have enough ammunition but i like my head the way it is. thanks.

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