Curriculum Vitae

Jan 30 2013

Come on down to Mordant Death Plans! That’s me, Mr Mordant, but you can just call me Mr Mortis! Death is my business, and I like to do good business, and boy oh girl do I ever have an offer for you today!

If you’re like most people, you don’t know how you’re going to die and you don’t like to think about it either. Seems scary don’t it? Uncertain? Well, think of it no more. Me and my good folks here at Mordant Death Plans are here to take all of your worries away.

Here at Mordant, we don’t just deal with death, we live it. Because we believe that you can’t know death from the outside in – you have to know it from the inside out; and we eat, breathe, and shit death. We all want to die, and we spend hours and hours every day thinking about ways to do it. Just for you!

Is fast and painless your priority? Or do you want to expire in a cloud of mystery? Maybe you would prefer a little more drama about your death? Or the ultimate in simplicity and comfort. Whatever your requirements, we can offer you a fine selection of packages to choose from. Don’t want to choose? We can choose for you!

Our regular plans are ready to be tailored to the specific needs of every individual, but if none of them suit you right down to the ground, our experts will create a fully bespoke, unique outcome, for the most discerning client, because we believe so 6-foot-deeply in what we do.

So don’t delay, drop in and see me today. Because death is an important part of life, and more than anything, that means YOUR death, just as much to us, as it does to you.

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