flowers

Oct 14 2013

For our wedding trip., “HoneyMoon” Joh n and i decided To go on a long Hike in the mountains. camping. most people Who get married decided to do Something More Luxurious but for me and John being Alone Together in nature was luxury for us.

i was Happy to be on our tri p together. happy that we had Achieved the weding but also Happy that we were togeher. and i Was remembering when we first met. i was Remebering John’s handsome face with the Big Nose on it. when i First saw it and How i thought it was ordinary and i hadnt noticed him Straight away. i Was looking forward to our future Life Together.,

we were not Talking a lot but it wasnt that important whether we did o rnot. But we found a one of those seed things. its like one of those a Dandelion Seed ball remaining on the flower stem. . and we started to Talk about THat. we started talking about the way that the Yellow dandelion flower Turns into the ., like t he um seed head thing. and what it means that it does that., What the importance is Of the flower, in why it means SOmething to people when they blow it, the remains of it away. We decided we think., thought) that it meant that Life is both Pretty and Temporary. , Adn we have to appreciate. everything whileit lasts, in a manner of gratitude.. . And a wish is something that you can MAke on it because maybe even although apart from the Fact that nothing lasts forever, You can still wish that it does, Because that is part of being Grateful

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Then I told John that he should blow the Flwoeir jweo blow the seeds away and make a WISH. i thought that he should make a wish And John at first he said “You should be the one to wish”,, but when i PersistED he agreed to do it for me. i Was thinking taht he was looking so handsome and he looked very happy. he screwed up his eyes and Then the ., Then he like was thinking about waht to wish for. Then he opened his eyes and looked at me to Show me that he had Decided. , – then he began to blow away the seeds. i wondered WHETHer he decidded something about OUr marrige and future togehter. then When all of THe seeds were GOne., he looked back At me and for a few moments i could Se e on his face that he was very happy in a Pure way. i Was looking iNto his Eyes.

Then i realised that something was S was wrong because., His face had become frozen, his body had Not MOVEd in any way, he was so still ast hought Frozen. and then I was realised tat he was Falling apart. i noticed that his face was Coming apart.then i could see that it was turning into flowting seeds. hisBody and face was Trning into floating see ds. I tried to put my ARms around John btu it was too late and as I tightened my arms There was nothing really There where John had been., just a lot o f seeds Floating Away

Ther was some of the Seeds of John left clinging on my Cltohes., (on my Clothes

there was An n in vestigation. i was Investigated and there were asome problems.. But i was Able to keep the eds., the seeds, that were on my cltohes and then afterwards (following investigation) i planted them in pots. They grew into beautiful flowers. i dontk now what kind of flowers they are., ., i dont know what kind of flowers. i Tried to find them in books but coulndt find them. i think smoe kind of i believe that they are some kind of a new flower. then i became afraid because i didnt Wnat anyone taking John away from me and So i put them flowers away. i decided to shield them away from other people, and not allow them to be seen.

i know THat John would want t me to go On with life and That’s what i try do.. for John because its Waht he would have wanted for me. he Would want for me to go on with my life and lead a Full life without hIm. but the way thinsg that happnened that way, they damaged my reputation that it would nve er have been possible anyway for me to Go properly Back to the Old life even if i had been able to do it. , but i just do as well as i can.

but i Am NOT able to go back to any kind of other Life from when John was with me. because im Never SO ALIVE as when im Taking Care of my Flowers. that were John. and i tHink i have become a hermit in m y mind even if whether or not i am that way in myliving habits and i think i am very Alone in my mind. i wish i Could be Grateful for the way things are NOw and Stop living in the past.,

But this is just the way things are.

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