it was your idea

Sep 09 2013

My flight came in at 2 in the morning but I had been very tired when the plane took off and I had just slept for 14 hours. I waited another 4 hours at the luggage claim while the carousel went around and around and nothing else came out. I don’t know why I waited so long, I just kept thinking my bag would come out eventually. For most of that time the concourse was completely empty and it was just me standing there alone. A few times I was approached by attendants asking if everything was alright, could they help me, and so on, but I just told them everything was fine and I would ask someone if I needed assistance.

Finally I was rewarded by the appearance of my bag. But when I pulled it off the carousel it felt much heavier. It was difficult to lift. At first I thought, I must just be tired from travelling, but that didn’t seem completely right, because I’d been sleeping for so long. Even pulling my bag along on its wheels was more difficult than usual. I must really have spent more on souvenirs than I planned to, I thought. I must really have been filled with adrenaline when I was hauling my bag to the flight.

On the train, my bag started moving around and making a fuss. I thought I must be imagining it, and I tried to pretend nothing was happening, but the zipper opened and a man came out of my bag. The man looked very familiar, but he was a stranger. “Who the fuck are you!” I yelled. “And what have you done with my stuff!”

The man just smiled, and I realised he was my double. I was surprised that I hadn’t recognised him before. “You’re me!” I said. “no im not you”, said my double, “but we do have a lot in common. you can call me John”, he said. I thought that this information must be untruthful, because it was so clear to me that he was my double. I could tell by the scar below his ear. “But what are you doing here?” I asked. “im here to see you” said my double. “and after we drop your stuff off at your house we are going to have the best day ever!”

At first I was hesitant. Already I didn’t trust this guy and I was convinced that he was lying to me. He had gotten rid of all my things somewhere and replaced them all with himself. But I decided to go along with what he wanted anyway. Being my double I thought he was unlikely to do anything to hurt me. And although I thought the best day ever sounded like a pretty childish concept, I thought it was too interesting an opportunity to refuse, coming from a double.

When we got back to my apartment my double said he had to make a phone call and went out on the balcony so I spent a few minutes putting away my empty suitcase and taking care of business in the bathroom. When I got out he was jumping around. It was so weird to see a copy of myself jumping around like that, because I never jump around. I felt like my dignity was abused but at the same time it endeared me to him a little bit. “lets go ice skating now” he said, and hauled me out of the house. “I can’t ice skate,” I protested. “I’m going to fall over.” There was a taxi waiting for us and he threw me in the car. “dont worry dont worry about that”, he said.

He was right that there was nothing to worry about. I didn’t hate the ice skating at all. Maybe only a little bit at first. I thought I could never do it, but I was wrong about that. My double happened to be really good at skating, but instead of just trailing me around the edge showing me how good he was while I hung on for dear life, he instructed me. He showed me how to put my feet and it wasn’t as hard as I’d thought. Before we finished I was even skating backwards.

After that we went to a football game. I like football a lot and John seemed to like it too. He acted like a real maniac and wouldn’t stop screaming. But I didn’t mind because I thought it was funny and usually I wanted to yell myself, but I’m not really the kind of person to raise my voice. We ate hot potato chips and drank beers and John spat a lot of little bits of food all over my clothes and everywhere else.

After that we went to a film, and he cried in the film. He was really snivelling and bawling his eyes out. I thought to myself that this guy really doesn’t do things halfway, but in a way I felt like crying too. I didn’t though, because I think he cried enough for both of us.

Back at my apartment in the evening, John dialled a pizza. Only many more boxes turned up than expected and when we opened them they were filled with everything that is good to eat. Not only pizza, but lobster mornay, corn on the cob, sashimi, lasagne, potato salad, kimchi, peking duck, goi cuon, chocolate, gelato, and too many other different things to count.

After that, we were both tired out, and it was time for bed. I wanted to have a shower, and John wanted to shower with me. He didn’t tell me he wanted to do it, he just followed me as though it was the most natural thing in the world, and then refused to be shut out. “it saves water”, he said. And then in frustration “dont worry, its nothing you or i havent seen before, and its not like either of us wants to fuck”. John came to bed with me too, but it was just like being in bed with yourself. I don’t mean like having sex with yourself, I just mean that in a weird way it was like being in bed alone. It isn’t like as though you can cuddle yourself, or even get in your own way, and even though I knew another person was there, it was just like that.

When I fell asleep, I had a dream about John. It seemed like the whole day had been a dream, and the dream seemed just like the day had been, so that I wasn’t sure whether I had really fallen asleep at all. In the dream, John was saying that he gets blue sometimes, he loses his energy, he feels like theres nothing left in him. He said it happens because people get him down, they don’t like him, they tell him he isn’t good enough. “Don’t worry about what people say,” I told him. “Anyone can see you’re hard working and intelligent in everything you do, and more than that you’re an original, and that’s what it takes to make it in this world. I hope I can cheer you up sometimes,” I finished awkwardly. But there was a smile on John’s face. It’s strange seing your own face do something you never knew it could do. “you dont have to do anything to cheer me up” said John, “just go on being yourself”.

When I woke up, John wasn’t there anymore. There was a note on the table, but it didn’t explain anything. I hadn’t even told him what a great day I’d had.

Comments Off on it was your idea

Comments are closed at this time.