Nov 29 2016

I forgot about my old shoes until they started whispering. Sitting in the corner where I threw them with some other shit and whispering to me while I was going to sleep. I knew I was imagining it but that didn’t make it any easier, they were still making a lot of soft noise. People think they’re being quiet when they’re whispering, but do you notice that usually they’re being louder than if they were just talking normally but quietly. Their noises are so irritating.

When I woke up I couldn’t remember what they were whispering, but I looked at them and left them there. I think part of me was curious about what they would do next. But mostly I wanted to know what they were whispering to me. I thought I would probably hear it again if I left them there, but I would hear better – more clearly, what they were saying.

I know why I didn’t just throw them out. It was because of that day I was wearing them when everything changed. Yeah that bad day. Haha, when everything was destroyed. Yeah, that day. But I don’t know what I meant by it, maybe I thought I could go back to the day and make everything change again and turn out different. But the boots had worn out and anyway they wouldn’t go in that direction. Everything changed.

When I went to sleep again I heard their voices. They were talking about taking me places. They had two voices that spoke at the same time, like those twins you see on television who spent their whole lives together. “We’ll take you away,” they said, “because what you went through we’ll take you away, because what happened to you,” and things like that.

I didn’t notice them when I woke up. I was busy and I had to go to work. But when I came home they were spinning across the floor. It was because my cat was playing with them. She was batting at them, they were spinning like they were on ice when she batted at them. But they weren’t on ice, they were floating on air. I looked underneath them and there was a space between them and the floor. There was a golden light on them or around them, coming off them. I don’t know, it made me unsure. I thought I was going crazy, so I put them in the wardrobe and closed the door.

At night I had a dream about them. They were talking to me, I was wearing them and they were taking me over land, by flying, but also walking. There was a mountain with snow on it, and big circular snowflakes, I had never seen anything like that before, floating down like as if by magic, and the broad white snow going on and on. I could touch it. I could touch anything, a meadow with the most softest grass under my fingers and fruit trees all around, dropping their fruits on the ground. And a long beach that went on and on that I walked along, with driftwood, shells and strange things washing up in the waves like treasure on the shore. In the dream, it was because I was wearing the shoes that I was walking in those places.

When I woke up in the morning, the shoes had become more than real. They had got out of the cupboard. I thought that there had been a golden light around the shoes, but now I noticed that the shoes had become golden. They seemed like they weren’t the same shoes as before because the places that had been wrecked looked like they had been fixed up. But I knew they were the same shoes.

They were walking in the air. “We’ve got a new job for you,” they said, “Because of where we’ve been with you. Put us on and you can be Messenger for the Gods. You can wear us and leave everything behind, and go anywhere.” The cat was acting strange. I couldn’t believe how brazen they walked in the air, like they knew they could take me anywhere.

I grabbed them and took them downstairs, and I took my scissors out of the knife block, the sharp ones for cutting meat. And I started cutting into one of the shoes, and it started shrieking. When I started cutting into the shoe leather my fingers got all slick like with some fluid but I couldn’t see anything. The shoe kept on screaming and screaming, it sounded terrible. No matter how much of it I had cut up, it kept finding new screams that seemed even louder and more hurt than before. It went on and on. The other shoe was making this sad sobbing sound, like it couldn’t bear what was happening. I could have cut it up too, but I didn’t. I threw it into the garbage bin on top of the pieces of the other one. Anyway I didn’t need to cut it up because it was broken without the other one.

When I went back inside, I saw my new shoes staying at the foot of my bed. New, clean, shiny shoes. Motionless, lifeless, empty. Asking nothing, promising nothing but to be worn.

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